Last post for this Blog.

Throughout the happenings and non-happenings of my student life in Penang, here's something I would term as "closure". It ends at where I am seated, in Room 422 of Tune Hotel, Penang. I have never thought I could be so out of place, so delusional.

The objective of this blog was to place the links I thought would be useful for my duration of study in USM, Penang. Well, it helped but I was not in a good shape since February. Nevertheless, I hope to finish what I started when I made a choice last May/June and agreed to go back studying.

Research
The progress is slow. Yes, Dr. Bada, I have disappointed you. And myself too. I will not lie in getting my respondents, and I will try my very best to complete the research in a manner which I think is the best since time is not on my side. I am and I will prove myself right through this research. My next meeting with Dr. Bada is on the 24th August and then I would be free (?), off the hook (?). Well, until I prove to him that what I've done is all alright. And I will.

MSc in Tourism Development
I have figured that once this research is over, I shall be able to graduate with an MSc in Tourism Development degree. My results have been good for the past year (Semester 1 & 2) where I did my course works. So to attain this piece of paper and graduate next March 2010, I need to complete my research on "Tourists' Perceptions of Information in Sabah Tourism Official Website", which I certainly will!

New-found friends in Penang
Certainly I did make friends in Penang, didn't I? Throughout this short-lived student life, indeed friends come and go, as time and the environment changes. Here's a list of people who have and had made an impact in my life in Penang:

Classmates (2008/2009)
I am most thankful to be part of a class comprising of various attitudes and characters. It help me understand human behaviour as well as the meaning of being friends. I would think that my friendship with certain classmates, namely, Wee, Mohamed, Cherine, Riny, Fitri, Fadina, Azizan, and so on would go a long way. That's just a few, but there were also others, Mages, Hanim, Zamil, David, Neta, Ros, Oil and Pum (haha, the Thais are great!). I was together with them to complete and finish up our course works and throughout the duration of our research and study. Some of them graduated last Weds, which I failed to attend due to complications of the heart (hah!).

Palat-Palat people
I was also exposed to a group of young minds through Fitri, my classmate. These friends have been great companions as well as a bunch who made me laugh! Zoey, Shuib, Anis, Atai, Yoey, D, E have been great during one point of time. I wouldn't have known them if it wasn't for Fitri. Zoey, the most interesting person I have crossed in my 26 years of living, was one who made me feel young and gay! I particularly enjoyed our new-found theory and other escapades!

Other friends who have made it in my list of "keeping" include:
Izzy - An ex-staff of IPS and worked with her in the IPCE3 Conference in Nov 2008.
Shaw Ket - A Sabahan who approached me through Skype in April 2009 and have been friends ever since.
Eric - Publisher and the one who gave me some platform to expand my knowledge and such through short projects.

Okay, this does not generate a "LIST" (a long one) but 2 would do.

Famous Escapades and Adventures

Cambodia
Well one big achievement I did in Penang was organizing a students' trip to Cambodia. With not a lot of support and planning from the class, a few good people have made it a successful one! That was the coolest and most tiring planning I have done for a bunch of unappreciative people.

Langkawi
I had my 26th birthday in Langkawi. Spent my time with Sayda and a diver called, Yusof. He reminded me of "ME" when I was around his age. I loved the time I spent at Tg. Rhu and my thoughts were flowing on mid-air. I could have really thought clearly and that point. My revisits were frequent and meaningful. It was like everytime after my visit, the adrenaline pumping through my body could last me a week! It was all good.

Singapore
It was not too frequent, my going to Singapore. I went in January 2009 for an assignment and to celebrate Chinese New Year. The earnings allowed me to pay some bills which I was grateful of. I went with Fitri and I think we both got an A for Dr. Bada's assignment and paper.

Class trips
With JJ as head organiser, the class went to Langkawi, Kelong Acheh, off Johor as well as Pulau Perhentian in Terengganu. It was okay. A waste of good money but part of assignments and the MSc programme. Nevertheless, friendship bonded and JJ is a great lecturer!

Work
I had to do part-time to sustain my living in Penang. All these small, odd jobs I took managed to pay for my meals, nicotine addiction, my trips, and the printing of assignments. I am glad I didn't rely too much on the little scholarship money from UiTM, and my parents. On average, I earned RM80 per week for these odd jobs. It was worthwhile. From there, I expanded to getting short projects from Dr. Bada too. It wasn't too bad. The only ongoing project I have with Dr. B is TEAM's e-Newsletter every 15th of the month.

Love, Lies and Relationships
I came to Penang to escape from hurt and misery of what happened in May/June 2008. How time flies, and again a year after I felt the same. How great God works when He reminds us to just face it and "just do it"! After all the time and energy lost, I am again in the lowest point of my life. How can one do this to one's self, over and over again? It's sad, at least on my behalf, that I had hoped for a change through a relationship I truly believed in. There's no better way to admit that I was only being played, and a joke to him, for that matter. Hmmm.. Nevertheless, been there done that, and I still care as I don't wish bad things to happen upon him. So, I am trying now to mend whatever's broken, forget the sacrifices made, select the good and bad memories bestowed in me, etc. The thing is, 25th August is just next week and a gift is already waiting. That sucks. I am left wondering again. I shouldn't mind him, he has a lot in his mind and probably his patience towards me have run out. I don't blame him for not wanting anymore. I don't even know now whether it was a mutual want, or did he want before I did? I am not regretting, just disappointed.

Life
What I need now is focus, concentration and lots of luck to complete my research, attain my degree, forget being hurt, and to not feel anything less joyous then being free. I work best with a reward system. Truly I do. And my reward from 1.5 years++ of my studies is a 2-weeks trip to any where I want in November, right after VIVA. I'll be teaching in January/February 2010 if all goes well this November 2009. Staying back home in Kota Kinabalu would be different. It would change a lot if not a little of my lifestyle and all. Maybe I need that. I need to feel at ease and at home, to learn and understand myself. Being with Daddy and Mummy would be something I need to do since I have been on and off away from home. I guess that's how the cycle goes.


I wish things would have worked out. In so many ways God have reverted my life to the way it was in order for me to "deal with it".

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If it's to be, it's up to me

-original message-
Subject: If it's to be, it's up to me
From: "Tania Maria Tangit" <taniamaria.at.work@gmail.com>
Date: 13/08/2009 4:00 AM

I was in school today and the hot Penang weather was not helping my skin. Sweated like a dog, my facial pores were open. As a result, a painful pimple appeared on my bottom lip. It wasn't so bad, today I mean. It could have been worst. Apart from making bad decisions (ie meeting Dr Bada too early, paid for room bookings, booked for an earlier flight to KK from KL, etc), I am keeping part of my sentimental self in hopes that "honesty" will soon be revealed. No matter how heartbroken I am, it wouldn't be that bad to keep a bit of hope on him. So I ask myself, "What bad news?". From today's episode, I want to just stop this pathetic self from repeating history. Why can't I be determined and focused in my aims? Fuck procrastination, this is madness. Me, I mean. I miss having knowing. These days I'm just guessing and assuming, being more hurt than ever. Would one be truthful after being lied to, or say.. "It's payback time". I'm neither doing both. I'll just stop. Why should I want when he doesn't? There's no initiative of even to want the "want". Here I go again with my guessing game. So winner takes it all, I've no time for any more heartbroken episodes. I looked at myself in the mirror this evening and I saw an ungrateful bitch. Here I am complaining when I've got more than this to be appreciative about. So what if it's a bit of heartmending efforts to do.. Other people might be in far worst situations than I am in now. Perhaps I should just stop. Yes, STOP. Maybe it's better? Who am I kidding? I won't stop until my heart bleeds in pain. Ahhhhh.. Carly Simon's song "It's too late baby" is playing in my mind. Wish I was strong. What am I holding on to? A man who doesn't want me? Loneliness. It's not something all that new, right? Well I've been there, done that. Why can't I feel complete? These tests, day by day, makes me terribly sick while i swallow in self-pity. What's so special anyway? Too many. And I thought we were gonna last a lifetime. So when shall I stop? Maybe I should I ask myself, "When shall I begin moving on?". Why don't I just love :) it would end all this hurt by just feeling the love.. What am I writing, I was suppose to write something bout school, my daddy, and all. See, it's love that's making me all high and fuzzy. So what if it's not returned anyway :)

JTK - 350+300

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Tania Maria Tangit
www.tiaramutiara.blogspot.com
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WotW - Pain

Pain. It's everywhere. Last few days, pain struck my chest. First, I think it's due to stress. I was sitting at Fook Yuen, Asia City and drinking Kopi C' Kau Ping Kurang Manis (iced latte, extra strong and less sweet) while making calls and jotting down notes. As I turned my head to look elsewhere, I felt chest pain. Someone told me its the muscles or something like that. I blame it on stress although I know its my nicotine intake. That was Pain #1. Another time I was literally in pain was when I dropped a very heavy file containing my notes and research articles on my foot. That was great Pain #2. There were also times I felt painfully sad was when I was emotionally ill-prepared to face certain truths. Well that Pain#3 combined the many, many months I was delusional. Now, Pain #4 is the best of all. I want to look pretty and all for a good friend's wedding this Saturday. I went for a facial and facial threading. Basically, I'm (facial) hairless now! The thing is, I was in great pain when Luilui threaded and poked my face. It's now red and swollen. The best thing is, I am meeting the Minister of Tourism, Culture and Environment at 3pm today with a swollen, red, poked and hairless face!

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/pain

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A Sunday Afternoon in KL

I might be staying at Ira's condo for the night. After a tiring day yesterday, Alia and I laze around and watched Yasmin Ahmad's Gubra on Astro. She sent me to Ira's a couple of hours ago and I gave her a cake for her parent's anniversary. This is my first time staying at people's homes. It doesn't feel nice but I feel welcomed, I hope. Tomorrow I'll be travelling to Penang, and again I hope with someone. I'm tired to do things on my own these days. It's no longer fun :( Alia and I did a movie marathon, well it was just 2 movies. I was disappointed at the varieties at Debenham's, the Curve. We both ended up having Subway in the movies. While we rushed for Harry Potter a bit after midnite. Interesting enough yesterday while walking at the Street, the kiosks were closing and I noticed a sling bag I used to have. It's like a beach rug sling type of bag and maybe I spoke too loud, the shop owner approached us and asked us to take a closer look at the bags. In the end, we got each a bag at RM 40. The seller guessed what my occupation was and he struck correctly. He said something like, "You must be a writer, right?". I must have said something funny :) Anyway, I watched GI JOE again with Ira, Kim and his brother at Capsquare. I haven't sleep well the whole day as I helped Helmi finished some work. I wished I didn't say yes. Damn..

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Tania Maria Tangit
www.tiaramutiara.blogspot.com
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Wana & Azhar's Wedding Reception

Alia and I started off pretty early this morning, in case we got lost. Our sense of direction has never been all that great when it comes to "going to Wana's". However, today was different. After say, 4 - 5 years not going to Wana's, we managed to get there at 12 noon, without the use of GPS or even analysing Wana's complicated looking map!

Alia and I recalled the last time we went to Wana's and was lost for almost 2 hours! We were tricked to come find her in a "hospital" where she got admitted. Apparently, her room was called "Sri Camar" and we spent hours looking for it in KL hospitals (I think we tried 2 or 3 hospitals). In the end, Wana told us to come over to her home and that's when we will never forget her Sg. Besi home is called "Sri Camar".

Here are some pics taken today on Wana & Azhar's wedding reception at Sg. Besi.

I was amazed at the sign! It says, "Orang Kawin - AWAS?" (translated: "Wedding - BEWARE!"). That's so cool!

Here's a trial closeup. It looks like Alia's car hasn't been washed for days!

Now that's better. I am amazed!

Prayers were held before Azhar came. According to Alia, this group of women were praying for a smooth wedding reception as well as the happiness of the young married couple.

This is Alia :)

Gosh! I look....... Wana, of course, looks stunning!

Wana & Alia

Wana's bedroom :)

Some mind-bogging questions needed to be answered by Azhar before reaching to Wana (according to a reliable source, Alia :P). This session is a Q&A of some sort...

Wana looks absolutely gorgeous here! Different from her usual huha-ness :)

Here's some stuff by Wana's family to Azhar... The choice of colours are really nice!

Picture Perfect! The newly weds and Azhar's side of the family..

Here's one of Alia and I :)

I haven't seen Farah for the longest time. She's getting married in December.

This one is taken before we said our goodbyes to Azhar and Wana :) Not bad for a self-taken pic!

This one was during our goodbyes to both newly weds. They didn't know their picture was being taken! So here's a toast to true joy and happiness for both!

Congratulations to Wana and Azhar for finally getting married! You guys are a great pair and if ever you plan to come to Sabah (again!) for a getaway, you are most welcomed to shang at my place :)

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My Best Friend's Wedding

Jealousy. Not a lot, but there's a hint of it in me.

A good friend, Wana got married today. I guess she has been with Azhar for the longest time and finally, they hooked up. Tomorrow is their wedding reception at Wana's family home. I am now at Alia's and we'll be going to the reception together.

My baju kurung failed me. I picked it up late this morning, 20 minutes before I checked-in. I didn't have time to tell them what I didn't like or what could have still be altered. Nevertheless, I'm wearing it tomorrow. I saw there were a lot of nice-looking baju kurung on sale at KL Sentral. It was reasonably priced too, ranging from Rm 50 - RM 150! I should have!!! Now I know where to actually get them, damn.

Ira was absolutely happy with Winston's cake. I carried it around like a dungu (silly) eversince I boarded my flight till I reached KL Sentral. Things one does for another. I was so tempted to eat Wana's wedding gift I asked Ira to baked. I should have told her to bake 2 cakes instead!! I'll tell her tomorrow if I remember. It's bee so long since I had that fattening KTS (kek terendam special = special soaked cake, when translated, but does not mean anything except a joke Ira and I share) of hers.

So I've decided and told Ftwee about my plans:

Sat - Wedding, shang ++
Sun - Shang ++ and Penang
Mon - RP
Tues - RP
Weds - Printing, convo, shang ++
Thurs - Dr. B
Fri - KL (maybe @Jenny's (?) - I need to call her)
Sat - Some surprise or some sort for someone (?)

I should be home by latest, the 19th. I've no time to lose and I need to collect the rest of the questionnaires from Rodzan, tour guides and at Lucy's. That's all I can spare, and if I do need additional, I've got my letter from the airport.

Gosh. "God help me", I pray.

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Names

This was taken right after my pimple-digging and facial threading this morning.

What's in a "name" anyway? The importance of a "name" is essential for branding. Wasn't that what I learnt in my BBA (Marketing)? It has to be unique and brings meaning to its owner and users. So what's in a name?

I'm finding a "brand" for my new project (reminds me of The Prathaz, a Project Band by Jiaja, as interviewed a couple weeks back). So this "name" I should think of must be representative of the concept of my project. I have revealed some of it to my brothers, Terrance and Trevor. Basically, TMT1 proposed to initiate this idea and concept. I have it in my head, all mapped out. TMT3 basically will just need to run it, as if an Operations Manager, so to speak.

I can't wait to finish my research project. My new blog is waiting for me to fill it up with brand new fresh ideas and nothing school-related such as this blog. So I just need to be patient and wait till Dr. Bada says, "Tania you'll graduate this semester!" Woooooohoooo!! That'll be the day I book for a vacation and lay out my plans for this project.

---

I am quite happy that Rodzan of Sabah Parks returned my questionnaires. They were placed at Tunku Abdul Rahman Marine Park - the islands nearby KK. Well, imagine this. Out of 200 questionnaires, 50++ were returned and a total of 30 were filled and after screening, 20 is valid! That adds up to roughly 70+ in total. Allow me to target a few more. I still have some at Lucy's, Matilda, Mr. Lim and also awaiting for KK Tours to confirm on helping me.

I've written an email to Dr. Bada, and it doesn't look good. I am sending him an unripe apple pluck from the tree. It's sour and inedible. I'm offering him anyway. Let's see what he says. I miss being scolded or perhaps I'd say challenge or pushed to work by him. HAH!

The interview with Datuk Masidi went well. His officers will be answering the questions posed to him with regards to my research. I didn't know he used to teach in UITM (formerly ITM) in Sembulan. That was like ages ago man! Anyhow, he's a nice person, and extremely cool. He walks his talk and that's good for a Minister, isn't it?

Now, back to work. Get it done T and you'll go for a holiday!

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Trying to look happy after my interview with Datuk Masidi at around 5pm.

Trevor waited for a 100 hours in the car.

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WotW - Submit

Last, last, last week, during a cousin's engagement party, Ethan was being rough towards Abel, playing of course. Ethan kept on shouting, "Submitttttttt, say you'll submittttttttttttttt!!". That was funny, and I caught in on camera (not a good shot though). Now as I think of the word, it shall be "the" word for this week, as I need to hurry the gonggok up to SUBMIT my stuff to my University Professor before I get beheaded. So Tania, hurry up and "SUBMITTTTTTT!!"

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/submit

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Couch Surfers

Today I brought Sebastian, Karolina and baby, Paola (I think I spelt it right) to Monsopiad Cultural Village in Penampang for the 2pm cultural show. First things first, I felt bad in not telling them of that there would be "entrance charges" (RM 65 for tourists and RM 45 for locals). However, I saw Jenifer and she gave a discount of RM 50, so Sebastian paid RM 100 for entrance fees. That's quite a lot if you're on a budget! It was a hot and hazy day. The weather at Monsopiad Cultural Village (MCV) was different. The wind was blowing and it was breezy at some point. Karolina put the baby to sleep but it didn't last long. She was awaken with "gong" beats and the music. I met a tour guide, Nicholas Pristian of Exotic Borneo and we chatted. I also approached a bunch of guests and only ONE was not all that reluctant in participating the survey. Hmmm.. It was hot, and I shall blame the weather!

Next stop was drinks at Fook Yuen Damai and we had some chicken wings. I asked Trevor to then bring us to the beach for some sightseeing and probably catch the sunset. Jessica came over after sending Jordan off to the airport. She was tanned and sandy after spending the afternoon at Mamutik Island. We were all giving tips and advices to both Sebastian and Karolina on places to go and so on. Sebastian said that the next trip to Sabah would be to areas in Sandakan and Tawau. I most probably would be free then! :)

We had dinner at the Filipino market. Everyone was commenting how cute Paola is! Well she is only coming to 8 months but she looks as if older than that. So they had some fish (it was blue in colour) before Sebastian walloped it. The size was okay to be priced at RM 18. After dinner, I insisted that I should send them back to Tune Hotel located in 1Borneo. I did anyway. As I drove back, I think of the pile of work I needed to do and the many possibilities of what CouchSurfing can do for networking and personal growth :)


**I couldn't take a lot of pictures because apparently, the camera isn't functioning right. It must have a lot of bumps in my hand-me-down-from-Jenny-my-cousin's bag, Primavera.

Ok, back to work folks.

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Look-See-Look-See (6464)

Today was a fruitful day. It'll be a hit if I get to write 5 pages on "website" for Chap 2. I met Mr. Lim Su Kiong, VP of Sabah Tourist Guide Association (www.STGA.com.my). He's a very nice chap and he did mention something on "Suara TEAM" which I was overwhelmed with compliments! I should upload it here too.

At around 1.30pm, Sebastian messaged to cancel the pickup/transfer to the airport. Apparently, Karolina is not feeling well. But we made plans for tomorrow. So, Trevor and I will be driving them to Monsopiad and maybe going to the beach after that. Let's see if that works for them. I'm going to try out hosting :) This would be for my next dotcom project. Maybe.

I collected my letter of authorisation from the airport and gosh, after weeks of waiting. I can do that on Thursday before my interview with Datuk Masidi. I keep on thinking Dr or Datuk. I must "miss" Dr. Bada. Hah! I shall only get hold of him once I get my shit together, which I don't know when will that be!!! He must be absolutely furious with me. Nevertheless, I should learn to honour deadlines too. Shucks.

The whole afternoon today was spent on collecting my survey forms from SPS and STB. At STB, I spoke to Halimah, was introduced to "I-forgot-her-name-now" and arranged a meeting with Charmaine to interview Gordon, DGM of STB. Now that was quick, as everything was done within the 2.5 hours. The interview was okay. I had a lot of points put across too.

Maybe tonight will be a good one. I should get my act together. How long can I whine until I realise I've lost time. Kan? (Right?)

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Call Me Irresponsible

So what.
I can be selfish and irresponsible.
But not at all times.
And definitely with no reason at all.
Ahhh...
Matters of the heart, unresolved.
I need a hammer.
To knock this headache off my pounding head.
And I thought I was right on track.

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No longer is she weak..

Ok, so here's the challenge. Less than 80 respondents since May? What a joke! Here's me being aggressive. I've again attempted to contact non-responsive organizations to get them into agreement to assist in data collection for my research. How aggressive can I be when I'm almost too desperate? I know some student researchers may even duplicate their questionnaire answers in order to get a favourable number of respondents. But I don't believe in that shortcut, it won't benefit me, at all. So if the airport has authorised my presence at the terminals to conduct my survey, but HAS NOT prepared a letter, I am still going to do it this Friday, when I'm bound to board the plane to KL. And if DMO's are supporting my initiatives verbally if not wholeheartedly, I may just have to fuck them off and proceed with the real thing. See, the thing is, there's no such shit if one wants to help but assistance is provided halfway. Nevertheless, I won't be blaming anyone for their efficiency and speed in their work conducts. Let's just say that whatever I'm going through now is good training if and when I direct a short film, write short stories or maybe words of advice to student researchers like my own self. Well, I'm always so thankful to information technology. At this era, everything can be done online, even face-to-face interviews via webcam. So what about physical questionnaire distribution? Phew.. Thank God I've rid myself with last week's "matters of the heart" confusion. I should be back on track in no time. My reward once I get this research complete and hard bounded is a trip to the islands. This time, solo without a hint of whoever.

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Tania Maria Tangit

www.tiaramutiara.blogspot.com
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